Long Lost Relatives

Have you ever just had to stop and take a step back from your life and just shake your head.

Seriously.

For how often I ignore any type of extracurricular activitys, besides school, you would think that my life would be nothing but a field of monotonous dribble. But, hot damn if things don't go down every once in a while worthy of a nice episode of Maury.

Like having a biological brother contact you during the run of a show, having a break down, then some time later just kind of forget he was there.

He found me. He spoke to me. Even though it was been months, nearly a year, since first contact I just don't even know how to deal with this fact.

There is a human out in the world, who I didn't know, who shares a mother with me.

With that information you'd think that it might be a big deal. But should it? Really? Just because we share a mother it's not like I ever met her. We grew up in different states, and apprently have lived pretty darn happy lives without each other so far. Why does that have to start changing now? I never liked the saying blood is thicker than water, because it's not true. Blood doesn't mean anything to anybody, love is the connector.

Do I love him? I mean the obvious answer is no. I mean for a period of time I literally forgot he was really there. Yet, when I found out the news there was an undisputable feeling of something. I can't, no matter how nice it would be, go back to pretending he isn't there. Well... I could, but I guess I don't think I should.

My parents have been nothing but supportive, telling me they will agree with whatever choice I make. I guess my choice is not making a choice. It seems like an easy thing to just agree to talk to him and see where it leads, but the ease is a big fat lie.

I have not seen enough episodes of tv of long lost relatives to adequately know what to do.

I have a brother, dang.

And out in the world, according to my adotion papers, there are like 7 more.

Welcome To my Itunes!

Number of Songs: 2456

How many hours/days of music: 6 days

Top 20 Most Played Songs:

1. Monster - Paramore
2. Misguided Ghosts - Paramore
3. I know It's Over - Jeff Buckley
4. Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5
5. Yonkers - Tyler the Creator 
6. Come What May (Film Version) - Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman 
7. When She Smiles - Andrew Rannells 
8. Upgrade U - Beyonce
9. Renegade - Paramore
10. Sticks and Stones - Hoodie Allen
11. A Miracle Would Happen - Norbert Leo Butz
12. Safe & Sound - Taylor Swift
13. Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's 
14. Gravity - Sara Bareilles 
15. Green Light - Beyonce
16. Why Don't You Love Me - Beyonce 
17. Heavy Cross - Gossip
18. Ordinary People - John Legend
19. Super Fresh - Boyz Noize
20. Teenagers - Hayley Williams 

First five songs that come up on shuffle:

1. I Think I'm Paranoid - Garbage  
2. Get You're Money Up _ Keri Hilson 
3. A Sentimental Man - Joel Grey
4. Dakota - A Rocket to the Moon
5. That's What You Get - Piano Tribute Players

Sort by song title:

First song: Aaron's Party (Come Get It) - Aaron Carter

Last Song: * - George Watsky

Sort by time:

Shortest (REAL)  song: Dumb Dog - from Annie (1982) @ :38

Longest song: Kanga-Roo - Jeff Buckley @ 14:09

(Technically the longest song I have is some mix by a DJ that I don't know. The song runs an hour and six minutes. buuut since there is no title and I don't know the artist I don't like that answer.)

Search: 
“sex” how many songs come up?: 22
“love” how many songs come up?: 135
“you” how many songs come up?: 357
“death” how many songs come up?: 7
“hate” how many songs come up?: 5
“wish” how many songs come up?: 4
“dream” how many songs come up?: 38

Anger Management

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What is acceptable to put online?

“My life is just a series of embarrassing incidents strung together by telling people about those embarrassing incidents.” 

~Russell Brand

I understand that this is a post that is going on my blog, thus hypothetically everybody with internet access can read this post. (Why everybody with internet would care is beyond me.) I keep that in mind with every single status on Facebook and post on this blog. I'm pretty censored because I don't want to start any drama, but with that there are a lot of things I don't say.

I'm not talking about like making a list of people I hate, or like revealing secrets of other people. That's not cool. I just mean there are things that happen to me that are so ridiculous I find them hilarious but putting it out here could either be a great story or lead to 10x the embarrassment.


Honestly, how could my life be more embarrassing?


Never mind, I don't want to test that theory. I wonder where the stories should start?

Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver

Best. Book. Ever. Before I Fall was one of the best books I've ever read.

Now I am a simple person. Give me a book with a cheesy romance and happy ending. Yeah, I know there are more to books then that but honestly, I have a simple track to happiness.

This book really has neither. That is a happy ending or a cheesy romance. I don't want to give the whole book away or go into some lengthy review but I will give you the gist. This girl lives her last days on earth repeatedly. Not a new topic, nor do I even believe that the subject is approached from a way I would deal overly artistic.

Something about this book makes me tear up every time. The raw, real, honest approach is something you don't get in a book you would find in the 'young adult' sections. A section that I now deem the vampire, love-triangle, supernatural section.

All 'n all this book is an amazing thing. If you have time, pick it up. Read. Read. Read.

That One Second Moment

There is a moment right before you fall asleep that I imagine dying to be like.

This is not a depressing post I promise.

I just mean when your head is on the pillow and you can feel your world slowing down. You don't think about the past, or the future you mind is truly blank. It's in that moment you can choose to let yourself fade, of force yourself to wake up.

That moment one-second moment is something I look forward every night. It's better then dreaming. Better than a lot of other moments in the day.

Next time you sleep, try to feel the moment, it's as close as you will probably ever get to true inner peace.

My Favorite Music Artists

People ask you that all the time, so I better get an answer straight. Because honestly it's kind of lame to just keep saying 'I just don't know, I like so many.'

My Facebook says my top 5 are: Paramore, Panic! at the Disco, George Watsky, Beyonce, and My Chemical Romance.
I would agree and disagree with these choices.

~ Paramore is my favorite band. Genre wise their music is the perfect mix of rock without being to hard core all the time. Their lyrics are so meaningful (shocker). There aren't songs about drinking and parting, while those have place in the music world, songs are so much more. Their songs are about hope and struggle, everything an angst ridden college student needs.

Further more Hayley Williams is a great person to aspire to be like. Aside from being so pretty, she has never changed herself. She embraces her femininity without oozing sexuality.

I saw them in concert and, spoiler alert, I cried from joy.

~ Panic! is great. Their album A Fever You Can't Sweat Out is actually one of my favorite albums of all time. Every song is different and the lyrics are witty and full of bite. Unfortunately I wouldn't label them as one of my favorite bands of all time. Their second album wasn't my thing and while over time their third album has grown on me it still doesn't quite posses the same love. I saw them live and his voice was just as amazing and it was a great experience, they just don't make the cut.

~ Not much to say about George Watsky, he is anything but your average, white, self depreciating rapper. He is not only skilled in his delivery, but he lyrics mix humor and true meaning seamlessly. He is an optimistic person, I like that change from the mounds of anger I hear in a lot of rap. Even his spoken word videos can positively make me happy.

His song Amazing Grace, is a great song if you need a renewed boost of optimism about life.

~ Oh Queen B. If you have ever been in the car with me, been in my room, or let me choose a song, more times then not I land on Beyonce. I do not care if I am a mindless fan girl, she is just about the most amazing thing I've heard. Her singing is amazing, both in studio and live, indisputable. She rocks nothing but shiny leotards and six inch heals and she is still the most classy woman I can think of.

That's what I love about her, unless you are cray-cray, nobody has a bad word to say about her. She is sexy and classy and her dancing is something I've striven for, and failed to achieve, for years. Honestly when people pick the hottest celebrities I am offended that she isn't the top of all lists.

~ My Chemical Romance is also a band that I honestly love, yet right now they don't still occupy the top spot. I can put on any of their albums and listen to his words and feel all of his emotions. Some of their songs remain on my top 10 list of songs I can listen to at all times. Great, just wouldn't be fair to keep them up there.

~ I am honestly still surprised by the amount of people who don't know Daft Punk. Granted they are defiantly a hit or miss type of like but I honestly thought they were known by a larger crowd. Their Alive 2007 album is super kick-ass.

~ Jeff Buckley is my true husband. While he died before he got known, his voice is the definition of angelic. Everybody has heard his cover of "Hallelujah", now go look up his cover of The Smiths song "I Know it's Over". His voice put me in a freaking coma from it's beauty.

~ No introduction needed for Queen. "Under Pressure", is top 5 favorite songs of all time. Freddie's voice is effortless. Aside from the band basically chaining rock music forever, I fear people forget that their songs are honestly some of the best written music ever. Even simple songs like "Fat Bottomed Girls". Honestly I don't know every song they've ever done, but I have a pretty wide appreciation of their songs. They are rock n' roll to an absolute T. Singing their songs let emotions wash out in cleaning heaps.

These are just quick reasons for my love of these people. Useful, not really. Fun to write, slightly.  Haven't written something just because in a long time.